I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You are the jesus of drinking
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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