Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
