During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
