I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
