drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
