I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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