She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
