i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
