His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
