just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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