What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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