i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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