I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You made out with two different species that night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
