pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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