First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
only you would photoshop your dick
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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