Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
