No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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