we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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