my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
