i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
