I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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