I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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