And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize