Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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