Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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