I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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