You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize