tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
