apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
