Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
