Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
