hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
