y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
