Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize