i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize