This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
