whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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