I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
