The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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