Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
