She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
