I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
