he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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