and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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