oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
