You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your cock deserves a montage
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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