Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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