I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
