bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
