Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
