after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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