Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
