boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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