When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
