i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
