I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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