I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
