1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
