why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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