Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
